When it comes to relationships, to each his own. Some things work for certain relationships, but not for others.

However, there are certain red flags in relationships that you can identify right off the bat that usually lead to conflict down the road.

Rudeness toward Friends, Family, Coworkers, and Customer Service Personnel

This may feel like something you can easily let slide, especially in the beginning of a new relationship. You may not think it is a big deal if someone talks down to a waiter or cashier, but if you pay close attention, you will most likely notice them being rude to other people also.

If someone is being rude to other people in their lives and around them, it is likely that they will eventually be rude to you.

He/She ONLY Talks about Themselves

This is NEVER a good sign. For example, you start off telling a story…”One time I got stuck on the side of the road with a flat tire…” Before you can even finish your story, the other person takes over “I got stuck on the side of the road with a flat tire too AND….” Blah blah blah.

Someone who is always talking about themselves could either be very selfish or very insecure. Both are incredibly difficult obstacles to overcome in a relationship.

He/She is Secretive

Secretive behavior is one of the first signs that someone is not being honest. Be aware if:

1. Your flame doesn’t respond to your calls or texts for extended periods of time.
2. He/she doesn’t want you to meet any of his/her family, friends, or co-workers.
3. You have never visited his/her place.

All of these are signs that you are either not worth making a part of their life or they have someone else in their life that they are trying to hide from you.

He/She is Critical of You Physically or Emotionally

Take note of comments that your date makes to you. There is a difference between criticism and constructive criticism. Of course we want the person we are with to make suggestions to us and to help us problem-solve at times.

But, we don’t want the person we are with to constantly comment on the things about ourselves that are a work in progress. There is a big difference between someone saying “You should really quit smoking. It’s gross and dirty.” And “Honey, I am really worried about your health because I have heard so many things about what cigarettes can do to your health.”

Someone who eagerly wants you to change is not accepting of who you really are.

The Ex is STILL in the Picture

There is really only one time when it is acceptable for your current flame to have contact with the ex: if they share children. Other than that, there is absolutely no reason why an ex should be involved in your lives.

Even if the ex isn’t in the picture, constant talking about an ex is not a good sign either.

Heavy Flirting with or Checking out the Opposite Sex When they are With You

Everyone deserves to be the apple of their mate’s eye. Wandering eyes may be a sign that your partner is looking to see what other fish are in the sea. Flirting with people in front of you is just plain disrespectful.

If your flame is flirting with people in front of you, you might want to think about what they are doing when you aren’t there.

Spending More Time with “Friends” of the Opposite Sex than with You

“Friends” of the opposite sex are rarely just “friends” unless there are certain boundaries that you follow in your relationship. Maybe you have a friend of the opposite sex that you have had for a long time. You genuinely feel no sexual attraction to them, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t feel any sexual attraction to you.

So, it is usually best to create some clear boundaries about what is and isn’t ok in the relationship. Here are a couple of suggestions:

1. Have a conversation with your partner about what each person is comfortable with in terms of spending time with friends of the opposite sex. Are you comfortable with late night phone calls? Dinners just the two of them? Or do you prefer to tag along? Be honest about what feels right to you and don’t hold back. It is better to tell someone you are uncomfortable with something up front than it is to try to go back on what you have already said was ok.

2. Always introduce your partner to opposite sex friend as soon as possible.

3. Consider only spending time with the friend when your partner is there. It is a good way for them to get to know each other.

4. Watch the interaction between your flame and the friend. Does the flame or friend seem uncomfortable? How do they seem to get along together? If these two people are going to stay in your life, it is important they are comfortable with each other.

5. If your friend is disrespecting your relationship boundaries, you may want to reconsider how important this person is to you. Is it worth giving up your relationship to keep this friend around?

Recognizing red flags in relationships is one thing. Changing your response to red flags in relationships is another.

We have instincts for a reason. We often question whether our instincts are “right”.

Most often, our problem is not whether or not our instincts are right, but that we struggle to trust them. If something feels fishy, it probably is! Don’t be afraid to ask questions about your concerns. If you don’t get straight answers, then it may be time to move on.

Never Settle for Less than What You Know You Deserve

Step #1

The best way to avoid settling is to take some time to jot down the qualities you are really looking for in a mate. This may sound simple, but when you really do some soul-searching you will most likely discover there are quite a few qualities you are looking for. Start with the most important qualities like trustworthy, honest, attentive, etc. Then write down things you would like: outgoing, loves outdoor activities, eats sushi, etc.

Step #2

Next to each quality, write down whether or not you are willing to compromise on that quality. For example, trustworthy = not willing to compromise; eats sushi = willing to compromise. Do not be worried about what anyone else might think about this list. This is your list and it’s only for you. So, be very honest with yourself.

Step #3

Once you have decided on what you are and aren’t willing to compromise on, put your list in order of importance. First order the not willing to compromises, then the willing to compromises.

Step #4

Whenever you are interested in someone or start to date them, refer back to this list often. You want to look at it at least every couple of weeks as you get to know this person. If the person doesn’t have the qualities you’ve put at the top of your list, pay attention to that red flag even if they’re sexy and make you feel good in the moment!