However, there are certain red flags in relationships that you can identify right off the bat that usually lead to conflict down the road.

Rudeness toward Friends, Family, Coworkers, and Customer Service Personnel

This may feel like something you can easily let slide, especially in the beginning of a new relationship. You may not think it is a big deal if someone talks down to a waiter or cashier, but if you pay close attention, you will most likely notice them being rude to other people also.

If someone is being rude to other people in their lives and around them, it is likely that they will eventually be rude to you.

He/She ONLY Talks about Themselves

This is NEVER a good sign. For example, you start off telling a story…”One time I got stuck on the side of the road with a flat tire…” Before you can even finish your story, the other person takes over “I got stuck on the side of the road with a flat tire too AND….” Blah blah blah.

Someone who is always talking about themselves could either be very selfish or very insecure. Both are incredibly difficult obstacles to overcome in a relationship.

He/She is Secretive

Secretive behavior is one of the first signs that someone is not being honest. Be aware if:

1. Your flame doesn’t respond to your calls or texts for extended periods of time.
2. He/she doesn’t want you to meet any of his/her family, friends, or co-workers.
3. You have never visited his/her place.

All of these are signs that you are either not worth making a part of their life or they have someone else in their life that they are trying to hide from you.

He/She is Critical of You Physically or Emotionally

Take note of comments that your date makes to you. There is a difference between criticism and constructive criticism. Of course we want the person we are with to make suggestions to us and to help us problem-solve at times.

But, we don’t want the person we are with to constantly comment on the things about ourselves that are a work in progress. There is a big difference between someone saying “You should really quit smoking. It’s gross and dirty.” And “Honey, I am really worried about your health because I have heard so many things about what cigarettes can do to your health.”

Someone who eagerly wants you to change is not accepting of who you really are.

The Ex is STILL in the Picture

There is really only one time when it is acceptable for your current flame to have contact with the ex: if they share children. Other than that, there is absolutely no reason why an ex should be involved in your lives.

Even if the ex isn’t in the picture, constant talking about an ex is not a good sign either.

Heavy Flirting with or Checking out the Opposite Sex When they are With You

Everyone deserves to be the apple of their mate’s eye. Wandering eyes may be a sign that your partner is looking to see what other fish are in the sea. Flirting with people in front of you is just plain disrespectful.

If your flame is flirting with people in front of you, you might want to think about what they are doing when you aren’t there.

Spending More Time with “Friends” of the Opposite Sex than with You

“Friends” of the opposite sex are rarely just “friends” unless there are certain boundaries that you follow in your relationship. Maybe you have a friend of the opposite sex that you have had for a long time. You genuinely feel no sexual attraction to them, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t feel any sexual attraction to you.

So, it is usually best to create some clear boundaries about what is and isn’t ok in the relationship. Here are a couple of suggestions:

1. Have a conversation with your partner about what each person is comfortable with in terms of spending time with friends of the opposite sex. Are you comfortable with late night phone calls? Dinners just the two of them? Or do you prefer to tag along? Be honest about what feels right to you and don’t hold back. It is better to tell someone you are uncomfortable with something up front than it is to try to go back on what you have already said was ok.

2. Always introduce your partner to opposite sex friend as soon as possible.

3. Consider only spending time with the friend when your partner is there. It is a good way for them to get to know each other.

4. Watch the interaction between your flame and the friend. Does the flame or friend seem uncomfortable? How do they seem to get along together? If these two people are going to stay in your life, it is important they are comfortable with each other.

5. If your friend is disrespecting your relationship boundaries, you may want to reconsider how important this person is to you. Is it worth giving up your relationship to keep this friend around?

Recognizing red flags in relationships is one thing. Changing your response to red flags in relationships is another.

We have instincts for a reason. We often question whether our instincts are “right”.

Most often, our problem is not whether or not our instincts are right, but that we struggle to trust them. If something feels fishy, it probably is! Don’t be afraid to ask questions about your concerns. If you don’t get straight answers, then it may be time to move on.

Never Settle for Less than What You Know You Deserve

Step #1

The best way to avoid settling is to take some time to jot down the qualities you are really looking for in a mate. This may sound simple, but when you really do some soul-searching you will most likely discover there are quite a few qualities you are looking for. Start with the most important qualities like trustworthy, honest, attentive, etc. Then write down things you would like: outgoing, loves outdoor activities, eats sushi, etc.

Step #2

Next to each quality, write down whether or not you are willing to compromise on that quality. For example, trustworthy = not willing to compromise; eats sushi = willing to compromise. Do not be worried about what anyone else might think about this list. This is your list and it’s only for you. So, be very honest with yourself.

Step #3

Once you have decided on what you are and aren’t willing to compromise on, put your list in order of importance. First order the not willing to compromises, then the willing to compromises.

Step #4

Whenever you are interested in someone or start to date them, refer back to this list often. You want to look at it at least every couple of weeks as you get to know this person. If the person doesn’t have the qualities you’ve put at the top of your list, pay attention to that red flag even if they’re sexy and make you feel good in the moment!

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Relationship Advice and Tips – The Start Your Night Off Right Technique

As a busy and successful professional, you have very little extra time. Most relationship advice and tips focus on increasing time spent with your partner. But as a professioanl, finding extra time to spend with your partner can be almost impossible.

The good news is there is another way.

I believe the quality of time you spend together is much more important than the quantity of time.

You can dramatically improve your relationship by spending quality time together in short bursts.

The Start Your Night Off Right Technique will help you connect as a couple when coming home from work. If you can spend just minutes fully present, focused on and connected with your partner it can make a huge difference in your relationship.

Watch the video I made for you about The Start Your Night Off Right Technique.

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If you’re looking for ideas and ways to stop fighting with your partner, you want to read this article. When you’re constantly fighting with your partner, not much seems to go right. Your career suffers, your stress levels go through the roof, and you may even resort to unhealthy habits just so you can feel better.

In the middle of an argument with your partner, it can seem like there is no hope for resolution and no ways to stop fighting.

I’ve seen couples that would do almost anything to stop fighting with each other, but aren’t able to come up with any common sense solutions or ways to stop fighting.

Have you ever felt stuck like this?

You’ve achieved a certain level of success in your career and I’m sure your journey to success hasn’t been paved with red carpets, roses and fairy dust.

You’ve most likely had to overcome many obstacles to get where you are in your career. In fact, I believe the more uncomfortable you are willing to be and the more challenges your willing to overcome, the more successful you will be.

Most of us have had to deal with horrible bosses, incompetent coworkers and downright infuriating clients. If you’ve achieved a certain level of success, you’ve managed to somehow find a way to deal with all these people without going postal.

So why are we able to control ourselves and act professional during the day, only to come home and fight with our partner like a 12 year old full of hormones and pimples?

Because common sense and intimate relationships don’t mix well!

Why does your common sense go out the window when fighting with your lover?

Lack of control and Vulnerability!

In most areas of your life, you have a great deal of control over the results you get.

For example, in your career you have a lot of control over your success or failure. With your body, it’s fairly obviously what you need to do to get in shape and stay that way.

However, in your intimate relationship you have no control.

For professionals like us, having no control over something feels like our own personal kryptonite.Yes, that is why you act so crazy sometimes in your relationship!

We pride ourselves on making goal-directed choices and creating the kind of life we want.

However, in your intimate relationship, you could do everything “right” and still end up alone and feeling rejected.

You have no control over your partner. You may be able to influence your partner’s choices, but even that can be difficult to do!

On top of that, being vulnerable is crucial to connecting with your partner and continuing to grow your relationship. You may open yourself up to your lover and give all of who you are, only to get it all thrown back in your face.

With all this, is it any wonder that we sometimes feel like we’re going crazy when we come home?

I know I’m painting a grim picture, but it is reality and I will always be brutally honest with you.

Having a successful relationship isn’t easy and the journey is not paved with red carpets, roses and fairy dust either.

Just like in your career, the more uncomfortable you’re willing to be and the more challenges you’re willing to overcome, the better your relationship will ultimately be.

I’m also going to tell you that it’s doable. In fact, it’s more than doable if you’ve achieved success in your career or other areas of your life.

You can utilize the same skills to make your relationship awesome.

3 Ways to Stop Fighting in a Relationship

1. Separate the problems from your partner

Your relationship problems are not your fault or your partner’s. Notice, I also said they’re not your partner’s fault. I know part of you is still probably trying to blame your partner for your current situation.

It just isn’t true that your partner could be solely responsible for difficulties in the relationship. I don’t care if your partner has cheated, gambled all your money away, or ran away to join the circus for a year without asking you, you and your partner are not to blame.

Often when we have any problems in life, we start to think less of ourselves. We think “there must be something wrong with me”.
In relationships, we often think “There must be something wrong with me and there’s definitely something wrong with that a**hole (aka, your partner)!”

The truth is, there is nothing inherently wrong with either one of you.

If you’re having a relationship problem, what you need is a new skill or set of relationship skills!

When you were 17 could you have stepped into your current position in your career and been instantly successful?

No. You had to develop new skills and put them into practice before any of that could happen.

The same applies to your relationship. No one is inherently born with the skills necessary for a happy marriage. To make matters worse, societal norms and the majority of the people around us aren’t usually great models for how to have an awesome relationship.

One of the best relationship skills to develop is separating your problems from your partner and yourself.

Stop blaming your partner for mistakes and problems. Instead, join with your partner and celebrate all the things you love about him or her, while you attack the problems.

You can hate your partner’s lateness and still love him or her as a person. Actually, the more you separate your partner from the problem, the harder you can be on the actual problem.

2. Focus on your choices, not your partner’s choices

No matter what your partner has done, if you want to stop fighting it’s best to focus on your choices going forward.

Focusing on your partner’s past mistakes and stupid choices, will not help you solve any problems and will only give you endless headaches.
I’m guessing now you are thinking, “So you’re saying I should just let my partner get away with poor behavior?”

No. I believe it’s important to tell your partner what you like and don’t like about their actions and choices. You get stuck when your partner continues to engage in the same actions or make the same choices and you continue to respond in the same way. Eventually, you are no longer having a conversation, but a knock down drag out argument. At this point, your partner “knows” you don’t like the behavior.

Telling your partner what he or she should or shouldn’t be doing won’t help.

You can drastically reduce the amount of fighting in your relationship by acknowledging reality and calmly focusing on your choices.

Start by acknowledging reality. For example, “My husband comes home an hour late almost every night.”

Now, calmly focus on your choices and what feels right for you.
Think to yourself, “I can either….

–wait to eat dinner, deal with hungry kids and reheat it all when he gets home and have our regular argument again.

–wait to eat dinner, deal with hungry kids and reheat it all when he gets home, while focusing on things that help me feel good and not angry about situation.

–cook dinner and eat with the kids on time as planned. He will have to figure out dinner for himself.

–take the kids out to eat and celebrate my time with them.

–or about a million other choices you could make here.

The main point is that instead of arguing, you can choose to acknowledge the reality of the situation and make decisions going forward based on what feels right for you.

3. Begin with compassion and assume good intentions

When starting a conversation with your partner about something you would like to see change, begin with what you like about them as a person or their behavior in other areas.

Most of the time, when we are stuck in arguments and fighting, we start the conversation with, “You’re so inconsiderate, all you think about is yourself!”

“You did this again! How could you be so stupid?”

“You always/never _____________.”

Anytime you start a conversation by turning your partner into a villain, you’re going in the wrong direction.

Instead, take the target off of your partner’s back and put in on the behavior (see #1)

Start with compassion and assume good intentions “I know you love me and do a lot for our family and I would like to talk to you about something that’s bothering me.”

“I know you mean well.”

“You’re such a good dad.”

I’ve just shown you 3 ways to stop fighting in a relationship. There are many other ways, but I believe these strategies will help you sooner than most. To get any benefit from this article, you need to put these principles into action starting now!

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If anyone tells you marriage will be all fairytales and pixy dust, they are obviously not married or are still holding on to the notion that Fabio (from the 90′s) will step out of a romance novel cover and sweep’em off their feet to live happily ever after some day.

When you have relationship difficulties or just plain hate what your partner is doing, it is crucial to take
your target off your partner’s back and put it on something more effective and less combative.

When tempers flair and disagreements occur it is how you talk about it that counts. Effective communication strategies can get you and your partner out of the blame game and back to a safe and understanding place.

I recently wrote a guest post at Engagedmarriage.com called “How to Talk to Your Partner About What You Don’t Like Without Starting World War III”

In the article, I describe in detail 7 Effective Communication Strategies You Can Use When You Hate What Your Partner is Doing.

Click here to read the full article

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Nobody is perfect and none of these stories are a cookie cutter blue print for what you should do. Feel free to pick out the parts that mean something to you and throw away the rest. We are a community of professionals supporting each other throughout the process of discovering what works best and what doesn’t. Come Join Us.

Enter, Tracy Kiggen CEO ARTovator

What is your specific job title and what field are you in?

CEO ARTovator and Body Artist in the Entertainment Industry

As a professional woman, what have been the 2 or 3 biggest challenges you have faced in striving for success both professionally and personally?

Balancing family life with my career. I strive to be the best mother first and always want to be able to provide the best for my child which means I have to work hard on my business. Time doesn’t allow me to do them both equally and therefore I have to make sacrifices.

If you were to do it all over again, what would you do differently in your intimate relationships?

I would value my family’s opinions.

How do you protect yourself from outside pressures or criticism (from family,friends, and society) about wanting both a career and fulfilling relationships?

I set boundaries and explain to them how I am going to live MY life, MY way.

As a professional woman, what do you think you consciously do that helps your personal relationships?

I follow good ethics which extend from my great sense of morals that I already established through my family.

What daily habits do you think help or hurt your personal relationships?

Routine doesn’t allow for many spontaneous moments in my life and this could affect any new relationships as well.

How do you manage your time so you can have a successful career and fulfilling relationships?

I allocate hours for work and since I am an artist those are spent drawing or designing, this means that my daughter can do her own art alongside me.

What kind of support system would you recommend in helping a woman succeed professionally and personally?

Family, friends, and your own personal space are absolutely necessary. Set boundaries on how you are going to handle them.

What do you specifically look for in a partner or want to avoid in a partner as a professional woman?

Honesty, loyalty, and hard working are traits that I treasure in myself, therefore I expect the same in my partner. I want to avoid the liars and the ones who don’t want families, that’s normally a bad sign.

How do you decide what’s important to you or prioritize your attention and energy?

What’s important is obvious – my daughter. My goal is to be the best mom I can be and with that means I have to be happy and what makes me happy is creating, so I make sure I do that well.

What kind of self-care do you practice?

I meditate, use aroma therapy, and read inspirational/ motivational books.

What were some of your “Aha!” moments, when you discovered new ways of making your career and personal life coexist successfully?

Sharing and incorporating them together made it easier for me. I used to keep my personal life a secret and my business a secret from my family. I learned that sharing stories between the two made both sides appreciative of me and made me feel like I am living one life instead of two.

Are there any resources you could recommend to other professional women?

Don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends, family, and the government. There are loads of programs to help further your career, provide assistance and make life a little easier on you. I also learned that accepting instead of always giving is okay too.

What advice would you give to a professional woman regarding intimate relationships?

Just follow your heart and be yourself. Also try to remember that wherever you are is exactly where the universe wants you to be so be good or be good at it.

Tracy Kiggen is the CEO of ARTovator

ARTovator offers first-rate professional face painting and body art for both private and corporate functions in the southern California region. Our skilled artist will help your young guests select from one of our many lively designs, and then hand paint the colorful image in just a matter of minutes! We can also create customized designs to fit your specific occasion.

ARTovator – Face Painting with Love

Call Tracy to transform your next party or event into a stunning success
619.977.1199 or visit www.ARTovator.com

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You might be saying duh! Obviously we know spending quality time together will make our relationship better.

I know it’s simple and obvious, but that doesn’t mean we know how to do it. That’s a completely different story.

Also, many professionals I work with believe they have a quantity of time issue in their marriage. They believe there isn’t enough time in the day to succeed at work and have a fulfilling marriage. Usually, they don’t have a quantity of time problem. What we often quickly find out is that they actually have a quality of time issue in their marriage.

When they start to focus on spending more quality time together, their relationship gets better and the issue of quantity of time seems to become less significant.

Spending quality time together requires you and your partner knowing each other’s triggers and doing specific things to make your partner feel good.

Check out this guest post I wrote for Tim Brownson at his website.

Are you Business Strengths Your Relationship Weaknesses? How to Spend Quality Time Together!

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Wow that title sounds sinister doesn’t it!

No, I didn’t write an article about how to make your marriage work by using a weapon on your partner. I’m talking about using pain as a weapon for good against yourself to make your marriage work!

Let me ask you a few questions:

All marriages have seasons (or ups and downs), but how do you currently try to make your marriage work?
How do you withstand the seasons of your marriage?

Do you try everything you can to hide from and avoid problems or do you tackle them as quickly as possible?

Today, I’ll share with you one way to make it through the tough times and create more love and passion in your marriage.

First, let me tell you a little story!

Have you ever had problems paying your bills? Years ago, I racked up some credit card debt. As a broke student, I didn’t think there was any way I could pay the debt off.

So what did I do?

I started avoiding all of my bills. At first, it felt great. I didn’t have to worry about my mounting debt and I could instantly feel better by hiding from my money problems.

Whenever I did briefly focus on my financial situation, I concocted all kinds of reasons why my financial woes were other people’s or company’s fault.

Eventually, I couldn’t avoid my bills very effectively. I still wasn’t paying most of them, but my thoughts were soon consumed by my increasing financial problems. I became stressed out, had difficulties sleeping and generally just wanted to crawl into a cave and hide.

That’s when I reached my pain threshold, where the pain of not handling the problem was bigger and more real than the pain of doing something.

I immediately took action, made sacrifices, stopped spending on stupid things I didn’t really care about, and paid off all of my debt in a couple of years.

Once I stopped avoiding the problems and had a plan to deal with them, I started sleeping again and didn’t feel like my head was going to explode from stress any more. I could actually relax and enjoy life again.

When I look back on that time in my life now, it all seems silly and unnecessary. I didn’t really have a problem with money. Everything happened because of my avoidance of the situation.

At the time, I believed that the pain of looking in the mirror (or in this case my bills) and doing something about it was greater than the pain of avoiding my problems.

I was running from my problems to seek relief, but ended up in pain.

Have you ever done that? Financially or otherwise?

How Do You Use Pain in your Marriage?

Does pain keep you stuck?

Most of us allow perceived pain and fear to keep us stuck in our relationships and to avoid problems.
We get into the habit of avoiding dealing with issues because it feels good in the moment and we perceive it would be really painful to take a look at our own choices.

Even if we are facing our problems, we aren’t looking at what really matters! Our own choices are the most crucial factor in determining our relationship happiness. Instead, we tend to blame our partner, in-laws, or anyone else that we can pin our problems on. Soon enough, our relationship begins to look like the financial situation I described above.

I get it, many of your relationship problems may be as a result of your partner’s actions. But, if you want to make your marriage work, the best thing you can do is to look at yourself and how you can start to make better choices.

The current state of your marriage is a result of both your partner’s and YOUR choices. If you don’t do some work on yourself, I can almost guarantee you will find yourself in the same relationship situation again, whether it’s with your current partner or someone else.

The more you avoid looking at your own choices, the more pain you will feel in the end.

Create the Habit of Focusing on Your Choices

Remember when I said most people run from their problems and avoid looking at their own choices to seek relief but end up in more pain?

People in loving, passionate marriages have often created the habit of enduring the small initial pain of examining their own choices and end up feeling relieved and great pleasure in the end.

To make your relationship work you need to start using pain differently.

What if instead of focusing on the possible pain of looking at your own choices, you started focusing on the pain of not looking at yourself or making a change?

To get unstuck and improve your relationship you can use pain and pleasure in two ways.

– Focus your attention on how not looking at your own choices or changing your behavior will be more painful than doing so

– Focus your attention on how looking at your own choices and changing your own behavior will bring you immediate pleasure

Answer these questions to start using Pain and Pleasure to make your relationship work:

– What short-term pain have you associated to examining your own choices or behavior?

– What short-term pleasure have you felt from not examining your own choices or behavior? (relief, sense of comfort, certainty it’s all your partner’s fault etc…)

– Describe in detail what will happen if you don’t look at your own choices or behavior? Will you stay stuck? Will you get a divorce? Will you be single and lonely? Will you find yourself in the exact same painful situation with your next partner? What will you lose? What dreams will you have to give up if you don’t change? With your current choices and behavior, what quality of marriage do you see for yourself next year? In 5 years? In 10 years?

– How will focusing on making better choices and changing your own behavior improve your relationship right now? What immediate benefits would you experience? How would it help you feel more happiness, passion and love in your relationship?

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Nobody is perfect and none of these stories are a cookie cutter blue print for what you should do. Feel free to pick out the parts that mean something to you and throw away the rest. We are a community of professionals supporting each other throughout the process of discovering what works best and what doesn’t. Come Join Us.

Enter, Jasbina Ahluwalia

What is your specific job title and what field are you in?

I’m a female Lawyer-turned Entrepreneur, Dating Coach, Matchmaker and Radio Show Host. I’m the President of INTERSECTIONS Match, the only national elite personalized service focused on singles of South Asian descent nationwide in the United States.

As a professional woman, what have been the 2 or 3 biggest challenges you have faced in striving for success both professionally and personally?

No need for two or three–my fundamental challenge has always been just too few hours in the day.

What do you do to take of yourself emotionally?

Articulate my needs with my loved ones, most fundamentally my spouse.

If you were to do it all over again, what would you do differently in your intimate relationships?

Nothing, as I am a work-in-progress and my experiences continue to lead to my evolution.

How do you protect yourself from outside pressures or criticism (from family,friends, and society) about wanting both a career and fulfilling relationships?

I believe fulfilling relationships and a productive life (in whatever form most meaningful to the individual) are not only not mutually exclusive, but to the contrary tend to feed off of each other in a positive way.

This belief (together with my internal compass as to my values and priorities) allows me to glean helpful nuggets from the thoughts/guidance of others while at the same time dismiss that which does not resonate.

As a professional woman, what do you think you consciously do that helps your personal relationships?

Self-nurture to be able to nurture others.

What daily habits do you think help or hurt your personal relationships?

Help: Adopting energy-optimizing habits such as Health-conscious living, ie exercise and healthy eating; as well as appreciating the simple things in life.

How do you manage your time so you can have a successful career and fulfilling relationships?

Identify core activities which serve multiple professional purposes; and create opportunities to increase the utilization what you produce via these core activities. For example, much of what I learn via my interactions with our dating coaching and matchmaking clients, together with my readings regarding relationships, is utilized as I serve in my roles as a dating coach, dating columnist, moderator of dating and relationship dialogues (in-person as well as in my role as a dating and relationship columnist), matchmaker and radio show host.

I have identified essential activities I can successfully combine (ie I combine my professional reading with my workouts). I have Identified essential activities with respect to my professional and personal life (based on my own strengths, interests, and priorities) and delegate and/or automate the rest to allow me to focus on my essential activities without distraction.

I guard my To-Do list to ensure my calendar reflects my personal and professional priorities and values (as opposed to allowing the priorities of others to redirect my time and energies)

What kind of support system would you recommend in helping a woman succeed professionally and personally?

Supportive significant other.

What do you specifically look for in a partner or want to avoid in a partner as a professional woman?

Seek: Support

How do you decide what’s important to you or prioritize your attention and energy?

My values and priorities serve as my compass. I recommend people self-audit their calendars and wallets to ensure they invest their precious resources in alignment with their values and priorities.

What kind of self-care do you practice?

Regular exercise, healthful eating.

What advice would you give to a professional woman regarding intimate relationships?

Precious intimate relationships deserve no less care, energy, devotion, proactivity and focus as professional endeavors.

Many professional women who wouldnt even consider leaving their professional life purely to chance nevertheless leave their personal lives to chance.

Jasbina Ahluwalia has many useful insights for professional women regarding dating and relationships. You can find out more about her or contact her in the following ways.

By Phone (650) 814-8091
Founder & President Intersections Match
Join her Radio Show
Add her on facebook
Join her facebook group
Follow her on Twitter

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As a professional, you can develop habits that support you or tear you down. Most of us attempt to manage our time to get things done. This strategy rarely works long term and often leaves you stressed out at the end of the day thinking to yourself “I just don’t have enough time”.

Tracking and utilizing your Attention Glass is a crucial habit that can completely change how you spend your time both professionally and personally. Here is a guest post I did for The Work at Home Woman, a website dedicated to helping women and moms fulfill their dreams of working at home and/or becoming self employed, while providing inspiration, motivation and support. Go to The Work at Home Woman

Check out the article here How to Use Your Attention Glass

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Nobody is perfect and none of these stories are a cookie cutter blue print for what you should do. Feel free to pick out the parts that mean something to you and throw away the rest. We are a community of professionals supporting each other throughout the process of discovering what works best and what doesn’t. Come Join Us.

Enter, Angela O’Mara

What is Your Specific job title and what field are you in?

I am President of The Professional Image, Inc. A California based Public Relations Agency. www.theprofessionalimage.com I have over 22 years experience representing public relations (PR) clients to the national media. What began as a casual interest in understanding how people “get on TV,” I have taken PR beyond simply spinning a story. My agency works with any and all television stations, and has successfully placed clients on Good Morning America, The Oprah Winfrey Show, Entertainment Tonight and many other news outlets. I am the author of Lipstick.Laptops.Life., and am a frequent lecturer on how to effectively market a business and how to stay inspired about yourself and your job!

As a professional woman, what have been the 2 or 3 biggest challenges you have faced in striving for success both professionally and personally?

As a single mom who was self-employed and was raising three young children, the biggest challenges were time and finances. It was a juggling act to keep the business running smoothly, while tending to the needs and never-ending schedules of young children. However, I always felt grateful to the fact that I was able to put the children first because I ran my own company, and I could choose who I would work with.

What do you do to take of yourself emotionally?

Exercise is my way of keeping the stress levels down and working out any kind of frustration. When the kids were younger, we would all run together at the school track. As they grew older, we would go to the gym and do other forms of exercise together. It was a great way to be together and reduce stress. I also like to spend time alone and just walk, and reading is a great emotional escape for me.

How do you protect yourself from outside pressures or criticism (from family, friends, and society) about wanting both a career and fulfilling relationships?

My philosophy is “It’s my life and I will live it my way.” It’s also an easy quote to remember if anyone tries to tell me otherwise. Being self-fulfilled is important, so long as it isn’t coming from selfishness.

How do you manage your time so you can have a successful career and fulfilling relationships?

My personal life and business life have to work well together. I have learned to apply energies daily, weekly, monthly to the areas of life that are important to me such as friends, family, love life, fitness, health, business, etc. I then build time for each of these areas into my calendar and do a mental checklist each week to ensure that each area is getting my attention. Some weeks I have to focus more on the business, but I make sure that all the other areas are touched in some way. Other weeks it is just the opposite. But by keeping a careful eye on where my time and energy is spent, I am able to balance life, rather than juggle it.

What daily habits do you think help or hurt your personal relationships?

My daily attention to the areas of importance has certainly helped my relationships on all levels because most days I can enjoy my personal relationships. Being honest and open with family and colleagues is also really important. I also know that I need to feel good about me, in order to feel good about others. That is why exercise has become part of my daily habits, along with healthy eating, lots of water and a full night’s sleep.

What kind of self-care do you practice?

I build “free time” into my calendar before I put anything else in. Free Time could be a day off with the kids or the girls, a weekend away with my partner, or a family vacation. I build these in so that I can accomplish the necessary business activities to make sure that I get my “free” time where I can rest, rejuvenate and go back to work feeling refreshed and ready to conquer the world.

What kind of support system would you recommend in helping a woman succeed professionally and personally?

Many people think of a support system in terms of day care, nannies and girl friends. While those are equally important, my support system also includes my attorney, accountant, doctor, hair stylist, etc. All of these people are important to me because they are all necessary parts of my current and future success.

How do you decide what’s important to you or prioritize your attention and energy?

In my book Lipstick.Laptops.Life. I discuss the importance of deciding on the kind of life you want to create. Once a person decides exactly what they want, then they can go about deciding what is going to be required to make that life happen. Once I became clear on my own personal vision and goals, prioritizing my attention and energy came easy.

What were some of your “Aha!” moments, when you discovered new ways of making your career and personal life coexist successfully?

One “Aha!” moment was when my accountant told me one year that the company had brought in less money, but I had made more. I realized that I had cut a department from the company that, while it brought in revenue, was extremely draining of my time and energy. Once I cut it loose, I was able to focus on work that was more fulfilling and as a result I made more money. That “Aha!” moment also helped me use the extra time and money to spend with the family.

Are there any resources you could recommend to other professional women?

Well of course my book Lipstick.Laptops.Life. because it was written specifically to help women learn how to balance family and career. I have become a big fan of Facebook because I have met other amazing women who have been very encouraging. Joining local women’s networking groups is important because once you realize you are not alone, your confidence level just soars.

If you’re interested in discovering more of Angela’s unique insights into navigating a career as a women go to http://www.lipsticklaptopslife.com/

You can also check out her company at www.theprofessionalimage.com

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